Hey everyone…

So I know I haven’t been on here in forever and I thought I should explain myself. 

I have been taking a break from social media in general because I have been severely struggling with binge eating, depression, and anxiety attacks. I tried to cut every outside influence besides my closest friends and I really took the time to work on me: who I really want to be and the things I need to overcome. I have realized that putting such strict restrictions on myself is not the way to handle things, and it makes my issues a million times worse. 

Here are some of the positive things I will be working on for the rest of the year and beyond: 

- Finding a full time job 

Positive outcomes: I will have money to go towards getting my own place, truck, and pay my bills without help from my parents. 

- Saving up to buy a truck

Positive outcomes: I will finally be able to go everywhere I want to, and finding activities of solitude that I enjoy will be WAY easier with a truck (fishing, camping, visiting friends, 4wheelin).

- Incorporating more plant food into my diet

Positive outcomes: My body feels better, stronger, healthier, and I overall just have more energy when I eat more fruits, veggies, nuts, and beans. If I can incorporate more healthy choices into my eating, I will naturally lose weight and feel much better. 

- Saving up to get my own place

Positive outcomes: Having my own space has always made my anxiety and depression a lot worse because its a happy place that I am in control of. I can invite whoever I want over, I can decorate it to fit my personality, and I have a sanctuary that is my own space to wind down and enjoy my spare time in. 

-Get outside/active

Positive outcomes: I love hiking, kayaking, going to the beach etc. but I never go because I feel uncomfortable and like I’m not able to do it. I never really thought about it before, but I was really getting in the way of my own happiness when it comes to doing outdoor activities. Added benefit: exercise :)

- Being more girly

Positive outcomes: I feel so much more confident and happy when my hair looks nice, I’m wearing makeup, I’m rockin a cute outfit, and its one less thing I have to worry about when I go somewhere. I love feeling confident in myself, and this is a great way to do it. 

Last but not least, I really just want to thank all of you that have been there for the ups and downs, the rights and lefts, and everything crazy that has happened on this blog since I began. I really appreciate all of you and I’m hoping that I will be able to share my journey with you, good or bad. Sometimes people forget that we are all human and that people who are trying to better their lives can totally get stuck in ruts for years. I’m trying to break free of that, but like I said.. I’m human and life is really hard sometimes. But I am working on it and I appreciate your support! 

-Molly Ann

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[Day 13] Hops in Humboldt!

This day was an amazing day with amazing people! There were breweries from all over the United States and we got to try whichever ones we wanted to as many times as we wanted to. My favorite was Macadamia Nut Porter from our local Six Rivers Brewery. I had a blast with amazing people and it was a beautiful day :) 

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[Day 10] Psychological and eating disorders…

I’ve never openly just told anyone what I’ve been battling with for as long as I can remember. At this point in my life I’ve truly realized how much it is impacting my life in a negative, life-halting way. I have depression, severe anxiety, and binge eating disorder. I am an optimistic person which I think has really helped me go this long without help but I just can’t do it by myself anymore. Its making it so that my future will look exactly the same as it does right now and I’m not okay with that. 

So here’s my question: Does anyone have resources on anxiety or eating disorders that you’ve found have helped you or someone you know? 

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[Day 9] Planning…

I think my food intake would be much easier to keep healthy if I planned things out. Plus it would make sure that the produce that needs to be used first gets used first. 

Today I went to breakfast with my cousin and her son to say farewell. She is always such an inspiration to me and keeps me motivated to continue on the journey of becoming the best person I can be. I can’t stress how much she means to me and how she helps me every day to be who I want to be :)

Working tomorrow, hopefully going hiking while babysitting if possible!!

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[Day 8] Still going strong!

Intake:
B- eggs with chicken, kale, tomatoes, and half slice of cheese
S- cantaloupe
L- sandwich on whole grain bread with chicken, kale, provolone, avocado, and larrupin. Also some v8 splash juice and a few barbecue kettle chips
D- chicken taco, rice and beans, a glass of milk, and chips with guacamole

I’m still starting to work on eating less and so far so good!! This is a lifestyle change, not a diet ;)

Tomorrow I get to see my cousin again (we went to dinner tonight after my dad and I went to the fair!) and we are going out for coffee. I missed her so much and hanging out with them makes my heart happy!!!

Have an amazing night everyone!

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[Day 3] Fish tacos, friends, & future plans…

So I have decided to not move down south. I really thought that it was the best chance for me to become who I’ve always wanted to be and to prove that I can make it in the city. Half of me fits in there, but half of me fits in there. I didn’t know what to do about my doubts until I talked it out with my friend today. I can’t go missing my nephew’s life moments, or being so far away from my parents or friends. I can do what I need to here, I just finally realized that all I need is to live my life according to my terms and following my own dreams, no matter where that may be. I’ve decided that living here is something I really do want because everything I’m looking for somewhere else.. its all right here :)

Intake-

B- Nothing because I didn’t wake up early enough

L- Taco salad (lettuce, corn, black beans, pico de gallo, veggie burger, avocado, and lime juice)

S- Plain Fage 0% yogurt with honey and pecans

D- Fish Tacos

S- Cocoa with fat-free milk

Tomorrow is a new day and I’m pretty excited! Its my nephew’s graduation from preschool and I get to spend time with my family :) I truly believe I am making the right choice. 

Oh, AND its Weigh-In Wednesday! 

Starting Weight: 274 lbs. 

Tune in next week for a smaller number! ;)

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[Day 2] An article worth reading :)

So Dirtbag Darling has always been one of my favorite websites and her articles are amazing, informative, and refreshingly honest. Along with trying to get my physical self healthier, I am also striving to improve my mental health as well :) So here is a great article featured on Dirtbag Darling!

http://www.dirtbagdarling.com/wellness-the-goal-setting-exercise/

I think this article is great for anyone who wants to achieve anything, and I think it is an amazing tool to really make you think about everything you truly want. I personally am hoping to move by the end of the month so maintaining and building a positive mindset is of the utmost importance. I feel like getting things out on paper has always helped my mental process, maybe it will for you as well?  

Intake: 

B- Whole grain toast with avocado, pico de gallo, and 2 eggs

S- Mocha (coffee, cocoa packets, and fat-free milk)

L- Veggie quesadilla

S- Cheese and crackers

D- Homemade enchiladas with tortilla chips and sour cream, milk

Today hasn’t been the best day food wise, but this is life. Sometimes I’m going to mess up, but I still took my vitamins, and I kept my portions under control (which is ridiculously hard for me). I am probably going to have one or two more glasses of milk today then I will be all done for today. 

Tomorrows goals:

- Drink more water

- Do some grocery shopping so I can have some salad greens and other healthy foods again.

- & eat less cheese.

Have a great night everyone! Tomorrow is a new day :)

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[Day 1] Sunflowers and salads :)

Intake:
B- fruit + veggie smoothie, vitamins
L- chopped salad with a veggie burger and sweet citrus dressing
S- avocado, black bean + lime crisps, and hummus
D- curry rice with tomatoes, carrots, garbanzo beans, and peas
S- cocoa (made with fat free milk) and popcorn with braggs nutritional yeast

Overall today was a pretty awesome day! Our sunflowers are blooming, I have 2 interviews in the Bay Area on Saturday, and I’m finally feeling better :)

To work on tomorrow:
- drink more water
- no eating late at night

Sorry for the short post but it’s on my phone! Have an amazing night everyone!!

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I have decided to start new.

I have so many different things going on in my life and regret doesn’t need to one of them. So I deleted everything old and I’m going to start with a fresh start. To those of you who have followed me through everything, thank you. To those of you just joining the journey (as well as an update for my followers), here’s a bit about me:

I am 24, unhealthy, and starting over. 

I have always wanted to be a healthy person. I love hiking and the outdoors, but I have never been able to fully immerse myself in the activities I’ve wanted to over the years because I’ve always been overweight. I constantly make excuses, battle anxiety + depression, and set myself up for failure. 

I have made the conscious decision to post every day, even if it is only my intake for the day. I want to start this new chapter in my life looking forward to the future instead of staring back at my past failures. Starting tomorrow you will get updates, pictures, recipes, intakes, bible verses, personal posts, workouts, and everything else related to the documentation of my new healthy life (both emotionally and physically). 

See you all tomorrow and have a restful, happy night :)

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